by Holly Hartman
Eating, napping, or twiddling their toes; no matter what they’re doing, children are learning. They don’t just soak up knowledge, they actually build it from their daily experiences. But being so new to the game of life, young children make lots of miscalculations and mistakes in their efforts to learn. That’s where their trusted adults come in. They need us to provide balance, by supporting their independence and risk-taking but also creating a safe harbor of trust and security for them to return to.
In the words of The Basics, we need to MAXIMIZE LOVE and MANAGE STRESS.
Babies rely on us to meet their needs and respond to their cues. Back and forth, we “serve” them invitations to learn, using our words and body language. They “return” our invitations with words and gestures of their own, using each experience to build new understandings. When adults and children are serving and returning in sync with each other, maximum love is achieved and life is a joy.
Of course, things get out of sync and stress happens. Actually, a lot of stress happens in the lives of young children, for both them and their caregivers. The baby’s natural rhythms of sleep, feeding, and play often collide with our adult schedules. They become overstimulated but unable to calm themselves down. They get distressed by new situations, but can’t remove themselves and regroup without our help. Managing stress requires caregivers to respond to both our own feelings and frustrations and theirs with firm kindness and acceptance, so together we are able to get back in sync. Child and caregiver figure out together how that balance works for them, and in doing so they create the bonds of their relationship. It’s a messy and imperfect process, but building trust is the best way we help our children grow.
The bonds we build with children when they’re young encourage them to persist in gaining knowledge and achieving independence as they grow, while also protecting them from the harmful effects of the stresses they’ll encounter along the way. Those bonds can provide the same benefits, maximum love and manageable stress, to us as their trusted adults. And then everyone wins at the game of life!
Learn more about The Basics at www.thebasics.org
Holly Hartman is an early childhood educator, author, and member of Stillwater’s Early Childhood Coalition